Reptile Lover Gifts

Ed totally blows the final portion of his Chameleon Aptitude test.

"You seem different."

'Let's use another form of birth control. I don't like the coil.'

'Don't be a baby, Noah. That story about alligators in sewers is just an urban myth. I mean, look behind you. That's clearly a crocodile.'

'Don't just sit there! Give me a hand!'

'Oh, nuts! I locked the keys in the car!'

'And while we were in Mauritius, Robert became absolutely obsessed with the geckos in our villa.'

A snake bites his lip - 'I hope I'm not poisonous, I just bit my lip!'

'Lucky for you I just ate. By the way, there's a set of clubs sitting over there, if you're interested.'

'Whats your poison.'

Chameleons teaching each other the colour chart.

'Uh oh... cramp!'

'It doesn't matter we're not venomous: Most people stay well clear of us anyway...'

'Something's come up that isn't covered in the security guard's handbook.'

The Komodo dragon(fig 1),is often mistaken for the Quasimodo dragon(fig 2).

'What I wouldn't give for some good eczema medication!'

'We really must do something about that pet door.'

'Venom is your solution to EVERYTHING!'

"I've got butterflies in my stomach..."

"You can hide, but you can't run."

"Hey, how come our names aren't on the plaque?"

'I'll have to use a snake on your drain.'

"For goodness sake Timmy, stay out of the shade!"

'Oh, that's just a harmless Garter snake. They're not deadly.'

Snakes Playing Poker...

'Don't panic. It's not an alligator. It's a smaller, less aggressive cousin...'

"With any luck we'll just come out the other end."

'Think back... Seven years ago, your brother brings the kids a baby alligator from Florida. We realize we can't take care of it, so...'

Turtle/tortoise

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

"So are you going to introduce me to your hose?"

Crocodile Tea

"I hear you bought a pair of crocs."

"Hey! Green eyes!"

“Robert went extinct this summer.”