Reptile Aficionado Gifts

Snake Blogging

'Use this in both eyes, three times daily.'

Selfie Extension Stik

"Sustained!—Prosecution will kindly refrain from flaring its hood."

'Your lizard has a reptile dysfunction.'

'I'm very proud of my El Gecko.'

'Here's the problem. Yer a big, spineless, dirty rotten, yellow-bellied horny toad.'

Corn Lizard

"The older I get, the more I change from a lounge lizard into a bathroom lizard..."

"He is so gross: He is a hoarder you see, and keeps all his old skins..."

"Yeah? Well maybe if you'd have kept you poodle on your lap, Esmeralda wouldn't have seen it as lunch!"

"Yeah, you could call this my "breakfast", but the fast lasted over six months..."

"Mom! Andy left his shedded skin in the tub again!!"

"It's when they lie perfectly still in the water like that - you can't tell whether or not they're logs."

"Sssay, you're a real charmer!"

Steve was a cold-blooded son of a b**ch

"I ventured into a garden this morning and was caught by a snake catcher, then relocated here. Where am I? Can you help me find my family again?"

'Then he said, 'Well, get in the mood! Mating season is short.''

'He's our best security monitor ever!'

'Gosh, Gloria, we've been standing on this pink porch an hour, and you're still green! I've never met a chameleon like you before!'

Please do not feed the lounge lizards.

'Lay off the anti-hiss-s-tamines.'

Man walking a lizard by its tongue.

Snakes at a strip club

"One nice thing about being a turtle is we never get any speeding tickets."

"I'm not a doctor, but I don't think the problem is with your bladder, Bob."

"They're most dangerous when you stop petting them."

"They say we taste like chicken but they say that about everything."

"Of course, we just call them 'necks'"

Mardi Gras

"You're very lucky that gazelle gives me diarrhea."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

M.T. accidentally triggers the predator pursuit response.

Cling-On Dog