Report Card Reactor Gifts

'Your mother and I thought you understood, Billy, that our love for you was highly conditional on you doing well in school.'

"Could you supersize these grades, Ms. Bain?"

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

"So this is why you ate your spinach and wanted seconds at dinner!"

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

"Sarah's grades are excellent. She got A+ in 'Yogi Berra: Philosopher or Fall Guy?,' A in 'Dollars and Scents: An Analysis of Post-Vietnam Perfume Advertising,' A in 'The Final Four as Last Judgment: The N.C.A.A. Tournament from a Religious Perspective,'

'You know what they say - 'Those who don't learn the lessons of history are doomed to go to summer school.''

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

'You're flunking me? -- What about the statute of limitations?'

"Remember, history was easier back in your day. There's so much more of it now."

"I was finishing my homework in the shower to save time!"

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

'I reckon we have grounds for a libel action, don't you?.'

"These fourth grade marks are confusing...I got a B on the assignment, so is that like a smiley face or a star?"

"How would I explain the 'D' in debate class? Probably not very well."

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

"You told me not to bring home another bad report card so I brought home Billy's."

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

'How could you flunk multiplication?'

'Columbus might not have sailed over the edge, but I did.'

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

'What makes me mad, I was only a couple seats away from all the right answers!'

Well, wish me luck. Mom and dad can handle an 'A' and two 'B's, but I've REAL-L-L-L-Y got to spin the 'D' in math!

'Mistakes were made...'

"I'm the innocent victim. School has gotten harder, and my cell phone has gotten dumber."

'I'm bright enough. I just don't have the right connections.'

'Here's my report card and here's my personal disclaimer.'

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

"This isn't bad. Ten per cent all A's."

'I got an 'A' in munitions.'

"Your school report is brilliant! It's going straight into the fireproof box for safe keeping..."