Report Card Rebels Gifts

'The grades aren't MY fault - I think Mrs. Pomeroy is teaching-disabled.'

"If it's any consolation, Alex, it's the first 'G' I've ever given."

My book report is based on the audio book of the same name.

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

'You're flunking me? -- What about the statute of limitations?'

"Get up at 7; leave for school by 8; no video games until after homework is done -- how about some regulatory relief?"

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

'I reckon we have grounds for a libel action, don't you?.'

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

"If you find authority intolerable, remember, you're in good company."

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

'What makes me mad, I was only a couple seats away from all the right answers!'

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

Hell's Schlegel

'This bottle stainless steel cleaner...if it's stainless...why would you need a cleaner?'

"Stop fact checking my story."

Kid reading report: 'My book report is on 'TV Guide'...'

"Yes, it's report card time again."

"In case anyone walks by and sees the bottle you ordered, we offer a sticker saying your first bottle was rated 98."

'You had me at 'warning'.'

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

"The art class look - oh, you mean flung shui?"

'D-plus? -- I demand a recount!'

Cluster Catastrophe

"My teacher forgot to congratulate me on my great math grade. She was too busy calling Ripley's Believe It Or Not."

My new trash pickup day is midweek, on Wednesday. Hump-day dump-day!

'You're not achieving the bench marks.'

Warning! Magazines Stay in Waiting Room

Wrong shelf.

'D-plus? -- I demand a recount!'

"As an artist, it's my job to capture the beauty and triumphs of everyday life."

"It's been redacted for security reasons."

"I heard someone was looking for a dungeon master."

Never wear running shoes with a jogging suit.