Repetitive Gift Givers Pillows

Happy anniversary! Not perfume again!

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

"I know it's not an ideal situation, Samantha, but how else are we going to afford a 160 gigabyte laptop, a top of the range mobile and a Playstation 3 for the kids presents?"

Tipping Pain Chart

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

'I gotta bad feeling about this.'

It's the thought that counts!

'I think it's nice for kids to have wooden toys.'

"Don't look him in the mouth! Don't look him in the mouuuthhh!!"

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

"Christmas day or nor, it was under the tree! How could you expect me not to peek?"

An Anarchist's Christmas

"Since when did they start putting perfume in aerosol cans?"

'Uh oh! Santa brought the kids a pet cat!'

"...Well, where was he when I needed the red Power Ranger?"

'That reminds me must buy an anniversary present for Lady Caroline!!'

"C'mon, get up...it's Christmas! Let's go! There's presents to open!"

'It was all she had to offer, vicar.'

"Seriously? Earrings again? How much thought do you actually put into buying me presents?"

'Uh oh, looks like we've got weekend guests.'

Cats and Gift Bags

Pushy Cashpoint

Free sweatshirts for our customers (sweatshirts read: Survived the last heating bill!)

Floyd Foinsapp loses himself in the holiday season.

'If it's flowers you want,may I suggest a vegetarian restaurant,sir?'

'No government funding? No corporate support? Just what kind of ponzi scheme are you running?'

"My wife's bra size? I don't know, about like this I guess."

"Our final honorary doctorate goes to John P. Lind, who kicked in three million clams for a chem lab."

Only one Partridge in a pear tree? Mr. Jones next door gave his true love two partridges.

How many Christmas gifts did you get this year? I got over a dozen. Seriously? No single, childless adult with very little family and only one friend can possibly get that many Christmas gifts. Unless ... by "got," you meant ... I had Amazon wrap them all. I like to be surprised.

Please give U.S. Fire & Flooding Victims

"Happy birthday!"

"Christ on a bike. Again. Again with the electric shaver."