Repentance Junkie Pillows

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

'He's not showing off to me as much as he used to...'

"In the hat! In the hat!"

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'

"Let's take in a trial."

Upholding the Law

"Not guilty by virtue of reasonable doubt."

'Aghh! I've been visited by the Russian mafia.'

'Lobbyist for 'Big Sugar' is here to see you, congressman. . .'

Homing pigeons in therapy.

'It doesn't matter if my client is guilty.. the book and movie deals are pouring in!'

'I had no idea there was a local ordinance against taking the Fifth Amendment!'

"This next song is for my ex-wife Joan."

"It's taking more and more destruction just to feel anything."

"I plead guilty, Your Honor, but only in a nice, white-collar sort of way."

"TV violence made him do it. Says he'll name shows if we drop the charges."

Swimming Champion.

'Ladies and Gentlemen of the press- what is your verdict...?'

'It feels like two hours of my life is missing.'

"Let's give those new bulbs a try."

"I remember the time a cat came down here. We scared the hell out of him."

"Someday a real rain will come and wash all the scum off the street. But today, expect occasional sprinkles."

'No enemies, Miss, could you give men a list of his friends?'

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten! (Published previously September 25, 2006.)

'What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick falls off you when you're dead.'

'I told you it wouldn't work. You just can't predict what a jury is going to do.'

Don't Forget To Tip Your Justice

We're making real progress, Al. With my problems, or with the construction of your beach house?

'Remind clients to come prepared for their initial consultation with documents, names, addresses, checkbook, credit cards, cash.'

'We deliver all the justice you can afford.'

Judge has work boxes labeled Sustained and Overruled.

Lady Justice using metric scales.