Repentance Junkie Pillows

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

'He's not showing off to me as much as he used to...'

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

"In the hat! In the hat!"

"Let's take in a trial."

Upholding the Law

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'

'Lobbyist for 'Big Sugar' is here to see you, congressman. . .'

'It doesn't matter if my client is guilty.. the book and movie deals are pouring in!'

'Aghh! I've been visited by the Russian mafia.'

"Not guilty by virtue of reasonable doubt."

"This next song is for my ex-wife Joan."

'I had no idea there was a local ordinance against taking the Fifth Amendment!'

"I plead guilty, Your Honor, but only in a nice, white-collar sort of way."

"TV violence made him do it. Says he'll name shows if we drop the charges."

Swimming Champion.

'Ladies and Gentlemen of the press- what is your verdict...?'

'It feels like two hours of my life is missing.'

"Someday a real rain will come and wash all the scum off the street. But today, expect occasional sprinkles."

'What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick falls off you when you're dead.'

'No enemies, Miss, could you give men a list of his friends?'

"Let's give those new bulbs a try."

"I remember the time a cat came down here. We scared the hell out of him."

'I told you it wouldn't work. You just can't predict what a jury is going to do.'

Lady Justice using metric scales.

'Remind clients to come prepared for their initial consultation with documents, names, addresses, checkbook, credit cards, cash.'

Judge has work boxes labeled Sustained and Overruled.

Don't Forget To Tip Your Justice

'We deliver all the justice you can afford.'

"Your Honor, all this pretrial publicity has made my client look fat."