Rental Renegade Pillows

'Surely it is no longer legal to include 'deposit of your first-born child'?'

'Your tenancy deposit will be held and protected securely in accordance with an authorised statutory scheme which is supervised by Big Larry, here ...'

'Can I assume from the rent that this place comes with its own butler?'

Landlord holding back a tennant from his money: 'It's all part of the service!'

'Look out! The landlord's arrived for his yearly tip.'

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

'And this is my landlord...'

House hunting is cruel.

"When you pay the rent for your one-room studio, you mustn't think about what you can get for that amount back in Iowa."

"It'll have to be your place. I Airbnb'd myself out of my apartment tonight."

I don't know about you, but I find it impossible to find flatmates...

The lessor of two evils.

Tenants and Landlords

"How do I get rid of a tenant so I can charge more rent?"

'The owner says you can stay free the first month if you can find his lost TV remote.'

'Where's the rent you owe me, £70?. . . Well I can, it's now £80.'

"I'll email the landlord."

That's supposed to say garage sale!

Tractor Racing

How Do You Like My Moseying Along?

"Brilliant! And then all they have to do is stop them flying at night."

My definition of 'quality time?'...charging $500 per hour.

'Looks like Ed Miliband's attempt to stop the race failed.'

"When you are done exercising your finger, the cat would like to talk to you!"

'Deer and Game Crossing'.

-You need a permit to fish here. -I'm doing okay with a worm, thank you

"Over the river and through a ridiculous detour that has us in the middle of who-knows-where, to Grandfather’s house we go!"

Letting agent on the phone: 'OK, so there's fungus in the bathroom - but on the plus side, it IS organic.'

'But this IS my mobile home!'

Solar Storm Expected!

'I may not be an expert, but I know an ill-sighted wind turbine when I hear one!'

Godfrey Hunting for Lodgings

"Are you telling me you won't even ask the computerized navigational system for directions?"

'I'm sorry, but I just don't think you're cut out to sell real estate.'

We are on the move. . .