Rent Renegade Pillows

"Landlady alert."

That's supposed to say garage sale!

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

The Bland Leading the Bland

"Brilliant! And then all they have to do is stop them flying at night."

House hunting is cruel.

"That's my performance review!? Two thumbs up?"

'Can I assume from the rent that this place comes with its own butler?'

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

My definition of 'quality time?'...charging $500 per hour.

'She kept pinching the Vicar's bum!'

Female Dominance.

"When you are done exercising your finger, the cat would like to talk to you!"

'Looks like Ed Miliband's attempt to stop the race failed.'

-You need a permit to fish here. -I'm doing okay with a worm, thank you

Letting agent on the phone: 'OK, so there's fungus in the bathroom - but on the plus side, it IS organic.'

'But this IS my mobile home!'

"When you pay the rent for your one-room studio, you mustn't think about what you can get for that amount back in Iowa."

Hot pink (and purple) monkey love!

Godfrey Hunting for Lodgings

'I think it's fair to say we're opposed to tame sex marriage.'

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

'I may not be an expert, but I know an ill-sighted wind turbine when I hear one!'

Solar Storm Expected!

The lessor of two evils.

'Surely it is no longer legal to include 'deposit of your first-born child'?'

'I'm sorry, but I just don't think you're cut out to sell real estate.'

Leonardo Meets the I.R.S.

"And after I'm through with this, I'll show you the exciting array of other body-piercing services we're now offering!"

We are on the move. . .

"It starts out with a standard romantic plot: Boy meets Girl, Boy loses Girl, wins her back, Girl kills Boy, devours his head and lays eggs in his carcass. Ok, now here's the twist..."

"...He's been going to work in a wheelie bin. He says its quicker, cleaner and less cramped"

"Well, I liked it until I read the reviews."