Remote King Gifts

TV-Man

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

'well, Fred, I see you're finally embracing technology.'

"Where the hell's my Slinky?"

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

The Unhappy King

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

The Royal Wii

How the goat got square eyes.

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

Busking during a pandemic

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

"I'm not the only one who hates you changing the channel every second. Now when you want to watch TV, the remote escapes."

'You might want to try another photographer, Sire. This one tends to cut the heads off.'

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

"This universal remote is awesome. It controls the tv, cable, stereo, computer, garage door. . ."

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

A war would have been bad enough, but losing Alsace-Lorraine in a poker game?

"Enemies, yes, but doesn't your moat also keep out love?"

'Interactive TV news.'

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

"We lost another battle? Why does this keep happening?"

"If I had it all to do over again, I would have liked to be the King of Swing."

'I know it seems like a war, but it's actually an all-out struggle for peace!'

"Why, this is fit for me!"

'It's just until the election is over, but I'm replacing you with Dick Morris.'

'Well, you DID know this job was dangerous when you took it.'