Remote King Pillows

TV-Man

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

'well, Fred, I see you're finally embracing technology.'

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

The Unhappy King

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

How the goat got square eyes.

The Royal Wii

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

'You might want to try another photographer, Sire. This one tends to cut the heads off.'

"I'm not the only one who hates you changing the channel every second. Now when you want to watch TV, the remote escapes."

"This universal remote is awesome. It controls the tv, cable, stereo, computer, garage door. . ."

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

Busking during a pandemic

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

A war would have been bad enough, but losing Alsace-Lorraine in a poker game?

"Enemies, yes, but doesn't your moat also keep out love?"

'Interactive TV news.'

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

"If I had it all to do over again, I would have liked to be the King of Swing."

'I know it seems like a war, but it's actually an all-out struggle for peace!'

"Why, this is fit for me!"

"King and clown—why can't I be both?"

"The kids - Prince Englebert and Princess Felicia - would like us to move into the olde monarchs' home."

'It's just until the election is over, but I'm replacing you with Dick Morris.'