Reluctant Cleaner Gifts

'Hey Einstein, how about converting some of your mass into energy and getting this place cleaned up?'

Sweeping under the carpet

"Instead of cleaning my room, can we just seal the door and call it a time capsule?"

CLEAN YOUR ROOM! 'Out of sight, out of mind...'

Can't you ever relax?

"I'm not a big fan of fresh air and sunshine, but it beats helping dad clean out the basement."

'I do more than I want, but it's always less than I should.'

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

"I got tired of 'Moby-Dick' taunting me from my bookshelf, so I put it on my Kindle and haven't thought of it since."

'I had a great year and I wasn't even trying.'

"Homework! Homework! Homework! I'll be doing this for hours! Talk about a misspent youth."

You read me a story about a workaholic little engine, and you expect it to make me sleepy?

"It's another day, Phil. Planning to suit up?"

'Now, dear, I spent 35 years pretending to look busy. I can't just quit overnight!'

"For heaven's sake lighten up, Roger! You're supposed to be on holiday."

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'

"Careful... if you look too comfortable they take your chair away."

The middle school mile claims its first victim.

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

Stop staring at that screen saver!

"Baldo, time to get up! It's the first day of school!"

Hot flashes

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

'You know Doug just isn't a morning person. This afternoon's not looking too good, either.'

Airline concerns.

"My husband hid my laptop to stop me working on vacation."

'God, I hate Sunday mornings.'

'There's nothing on the telly!'

'I set the alarm to 96 years!'

"On days when I need to get out of bed and go to work, I close my eyes until the feeling passes."

Excess Baggage: Forcing your homebody spouse to accompany you on a business trip is generally not a great idea.

Mr. Clean Enough

"I have to write a book report for school. . . do you have any books with lots of pictures?"

I just don't trust those self-flying brooms yet.

"I hate these walkabouts. Did you remember to get me some corn plasters?"