Reluctant Cleaner Gifts

Sweeping under the carpet

"Instead of cleaning my room, can we just seal the door and call it a time capsule?"

CLEAN YOUR ROOM! 'Out of sight, out of mind...'

"I'm not a big fan of fresh air and sunshine, but it beats helping dad clean out the basement."

'I do more than I want, but it's always less than I should.'

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

"I got tired of 'Moby-Dick' taunting me from my bookshelf, so I put it on my Kindle and haven't thought of it since."

'I had a great year and I wasn't even trying.'

"For heaven's sake lighten up, Roger! You're supposed to be on holiday."

'Now, dear, I spent 35 years pretending to look busy. I can't just quit overnight!'

"It's another day, Phil. Planning to suit up?"

"Homework! Homework! Homework! I'll be doing this for hours! Talk about a misspent youth."

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'

"Careful... if you look too comfortable they take your chair away."

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

The middle school mile claims its first victim.

"Baldo, time to get up! It's the first day of school!"

Stop staring at that screen saver!

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

'You know Doug just isn't a morning person. This afternoon's not looking too good, either.'

Airline concerns.

"My husband hid my laptop to stop me working on vacation."

Excess Baggage: Forcing your homebody spouse to accompany you on a business trip is generally not a great idea.

'There's nothing on the telly!'

"On days when I need to get out of bed and go to work, I close my eyes until the feeling passes."

'I set the alarm to 96 years!'

'God, I hate Sunday mornings.'

Mr. Clean Enough

"I have to write a book report for school. . . do you have any books with lots of pictures?"

"I hate these walkabouts. Did you remember to get me some corn plasters?"

"The only thing I like more than running is everything else."

"I won't be in the office today, my apathy is acting up again."

"Sidney gets nervous if he's too far from his money."

'Who cares where Waldo is?'

Man Readig Paper