Religious Realist Gifts

'It's made out of solid wood and it sleeps eight.'

'Your prayers may be monitored for quality assurance.'

"They said the new pews would be here 10 weeks ago! I've had it - I won't stand for this any longer!"

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

Night-time halo

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"We'll always have Paris..."

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

'All I want for Valentine's Day is a Greek fisherman's cap.'

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

Marriage least expected to last...

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

World Production.

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

A Zircon Is Forever

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

'If you really loved me you would have bought me flowers.'

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

Unconditional Loveseat

"Boy, I hope we never end up like this."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

Christian and Born again Christian...

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

"Alone bad. Boyfriend good!"

'You mustn't blame yourself for everything that goes wrong, Dear. It makes me feel redundant.'

"My computer just texted me."

"I want to get married and start a family with you—although God knows who I'll want to finish it with."