Religious Quilters Gifts

Cut out and keep your own Nun.

"Yo, Eunice – don’t leave me hangin’."

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

Quilt fanatic

Jesus Christo

Great Moments in Computer History: Betsy Ross sews the first bar code.

Outlaw Quilting Bees

Pin Cushion to roll of cotton: 'Hi! I'm a pin cushion! I love my job!' Pin Cushion's reply: 'MASOCHIST!'

Devil paints God.

Tonsure Toupee

A second life for Grandma's quilt.

"If you get chilly, use that crazy quilt."

'...and another thing. You're very selfish.'

"Nana" Technology

'If you get chilly, use that crazy quilt.'

"It's a lot of work, but a quilt lasts forever."

"You stand accused of multiple thefts of winter bedding. How do you plead?"

'There's already an aids quilt... the committee thought it would be a good idea if the club made a syphilis quilt.'

"It's not cotton, honey. It's nylon quilted to polyester. The leaves and trim are twenty per cent acrylic and eighty per cent modacrylic, and the flowers are acetate. The backing is polypropylene. Go to bed."

Bishop with mitre too big to get through door.

Slow-Embroidered Quilts.

Cort, I'm ready to be a person of faith, it's totally hip. I'm ready to get my religion on. I'm down with the divine, you know what I'm saying? I want to get inizzle with the lordizzle. I must pray now.

Trevor had misunderstood Lisa's invitation to come over a make love with her.

Clerical Collars - Full Range of Styles.

"I'd like to buy my husband a yarmulke of the type worn by Rudy Giuliani."

"I really wouldn't worry. The person performing your operation is one of the country's finest quilters."

"It's Amish."

Orthodox Priest

'When it comes to improving teamwork skills, Mr Binder, you have to crawl before you can walk.'

"You threatened to quit if I didn't give you a raise, not quilt."

'You threatened to quit if I didn't give you a raise, not quilt.'

Sign on church's marquee: Confessionals 6pm Tues & Thurs fax's accepted.

"Marcia's into quilts."

'How to make two yarmulke out of one Brassiere.'

"This is amazing! From way up here all the fields look just like a giant patchwork quilt!"