Ironic Quilters Gifts

"This may not seem as harsh as our other labor camps, but these guys really hate quilting."

"Yo, Eunice – don’t leave me hangin’."

"If I'd known we'd be this long wandering the wilderness I would never have worn these heels."

'I hate waking up with coffin hair.'

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

Quilt fanatic

"I thought I put on my 'big boy' pants this morning but apparently they were my 'fire me' pants."

Great Moments in Computer History: Betsy Ross sews the first bar code.

"Apparently 'the vest' is making a comeback..."

Pin Cushion to roll of cotton: 'Hi! I'm a pin cushion! I love my job!' Pin Cushion's reply: 'MASOCHIST!'

"Apparently, he's well over 100 now."

A second life for Grandma's quilt.

"If you get chilly, use that crazy quilt."

'...and another thing. You're very selfish.'

"It's a lot of work, but a quilt lasts forever."

'It's SUPPOSED to be quiet up here!'

I bought a pair of running shoes, and haven't seen them since.

"You know Mike, you're so boring, you're interesting!"

"Arlen keeps bragging about running 26 miles. What he fails to tell people is that it took him eight months to do it."

'There's already an aids quilt... the committee thought it would be a good idea if the club made a syphilis quilt.'

The Gentle Art of Not Running.

"Your honor, we find the defendant quilty on all counts."

Quick, take a photo - it's her first ironic smile!

'The Raffia Mafia.'

"It's not cotton, honey. It's nylon quilted to polyester. The leaves and trim are twenty per cent acrylic and eighty per cent modacrylic, and the flowers are acetate. The backing is polypropylene. Go to bed."

'Tah-DAH! -- Guess what I conquered!'

'You'll never see me out jogging.'

Finally, a fanny-pack he could be proud of.

"Due to supply chain issues, we'll need to transport items via cargo shorts."

Slow-Embroidered Quilts.

'My waist has spread, my arteries are clogged, cholesterol is elevated, but my legs still go up and down.'

"It doesn't mean anything. I just like how it looks."

Trevor had misunderstood Lisa's invitation to come over a make love with her.

'Grotesque!'

'Earl, your son has fallen in with the right crowd!'