Ironic Quilters Gifts

"This may not seem as harsh as our other labor camps, but these guys really hate quilting."

"Yo, Eunice – don’t leave me hangin’."

"If I'd known we'd be this long wandering the wilderness I would never have worn these heels."

'I hate waking up with coffin hair.'

Quilt fanatic

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

"I thought I put on my 'big boy' pants this morning but apparently they were my 'fire me' pants."

Great Moments in Computer History: Betsy Ross sews the first bar code.

"Apparently 'the vest' is making a comeback..."

Pin Cushion to roll of cotton: 'Hi! I'm a pin cushion! I love my job!' Pin Cushion's reply: 'MASOCHIST!'

"Apparently, he's well over 100 now."

"If you get chilly, use that crazy quilt."

'...and another thing. You're very selfish.'

A second life for Grandma's quilt.

'It's SUPPOSED to be quiet up here!'

"It's a lot of work, but a quilt lasts forever."

"You know Mike, you're so boring, you're interesting!"

"Arlen keeps bragging about running 26 miles. What he fails to tell people is that it took him eight months to do it."

The Gentle Art of Not Running.

'There's already an aids quilt... the committee thought it would be a good idea if the club made a syphilis quilt.'

'The Raffia Mafia.'

"It's not cotton, honey. It's nylon quilted to polyester. The leaves and trim are twenty per cent acrylic and eighty per cent modacrylic, and the flowers are acetate. The backing is polypropylene. Go to bed."

"Your honor, we find the defendant quilty on all counts."

'You'll never see me out jogging.'

'Tah-DAH! -- Guess what I conquered!'

Finally, a fanny-pack he could be proud of.

Slow-Embroidered Quilts.

'My waist has spread, my arteries are clogged, cholesterol is elevated, but my legs still go up and down.'

"It doesn't mean anything. I just like how it looks."

"Due to supply chain issues, we'll need to transport items via cargo shorts."

Trevor had misunderstood Lisa's invitation to come over a make love with her.

'Earl, your son has fallen in with the right crowd!'

'Grotesque!'

Cut out and keep your own Nun.