Ironic Expressionist Gifts

Quick, take a photo - it's her first ironic smile!

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Admit it, we're lost."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Of course it's not clean energy -- We don't have clean ANYTHING!"

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

A dog dressed as a cowboy leans against a sign that reads "Armed response".

"Now then Mr Parker - are you relaxed?"

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'

'You say you're having trouble seeing into the future'

"It's right here in the brochure: 'Be sure to tip your fishing guide.'"

"Oh, O.K. I can sort of see it."

"The tricky bit is finding some UK infrastructure that's working to switch it off."

"Well I got a dog because I wanted to spend more time brushing hair off my clothes, and picking up poop."

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

"I belong to that heroic little band of unemployed on whom a healthy economy depends."

Come back in, no one will laugh at you.

'We can't serve you the businessman's lunch because you don't look the business type.'

'He always said he wouldn't be seen dead with his shirt outside his trousers - he'll be livid.'

'How much are your upside-down cakes? 99p.'

Paunch and Judy.

"I suppose we could burst onto the literary scene."