Religious Outreach Worker Gifts

'Your husband tells me you like to spread the word...?'

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

A child interrupting family prayers

Cleric with bible briefcase.

St. Elmo's fired.

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"Seminary didn't prepare me for this."

Nun Binning the Devil

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

CCTV in church.

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"It's a cup holder."

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

People bell ringing - 'RING TONES'

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'

Male On Sunday

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

"Let's start a small group."

"Can you put some sunscreen on my ankles."

Industry and Idleness - The industrious apprentice performing the duty of a Christian.

"T.G.I.F."

'I'm going to check with my pastor to see what the Bible says about this operation.'

'Don't be too hard on sinners. If it weren't for sinning, we'd all be out of work!'

"Son of God or not, no one comes to church dressed like that."

'Whoa Hold up, You need to get you hand stamped,'

Baptism - "Actually he's quite looking forward to it."

'Ed here has some sort of problem with his membership on the visitation committee, Reverend.'

"For goodness sake brother. Haven't you finished that note to the milkman yet?"

"...and Lord, we thank You for blessing Farmer Finkel with an abundant bean harvest...and thus our new pews."

'Er... vicar - does the church have a position on the donation of GM vegetables for the Harvest Festival?'