Church Outreach Gifts

church

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

Priest's 'To do' list.

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Priest

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

"I'm getting red fruits, earth tones, and oak. Amen."

Monk Prompt

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"That's our new church mascot."

Verger Works

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

'Let us pray...'

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."