Religious Foodie Gifts

"And here's a list of food you can't eat."

Kids seem to sense when Pesach is drawing near.

Holy Macaroni,

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

Church Basement Foodie

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

"Don't tell anyone, but I'll have the devil's food cake."

"Holy moly!"

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

"Let there be light hors d'oeuvres."

Well, O.K., so you found fast food, but what's the hurry?

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

"For what he is about to receive may the dog be truly thankful."

'Today's sermon is on the feeding of the five thousand...and I'll be giving you the recipe for that.'

"I'd better not eat any more broccoli. I'm saving room for spiritual food."

'Of course I followed the diet religiously. I do everything religiously.'

'Those wafers are no good. Why don't they have cookies?'

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'

Biblical Jewish Medical Ethics

"First, do no ham."

"There, there, Dear. Brother Amos momentarily slipped back into his secular life when he said your cake is 'sinfully good'."

'Hell's Kitchen/God's Pantry'

"What were you expecting?"

'Well, she ate the apple -- I SAID you should have the whole thing catered.'

Bishop reads menu which features only loaves, fishes, water and wine.