Foodie Who Prays Gifts

Fancy dinners with Jesus.

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

Holy Macaroni,

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

'Those wafers are no good. Why don't they have cookies?'

"Pardon, I should have been more specific...is everything all right with THE MEAL?"

'Today's sermon is on the feeding of the five thousand...and I'll be giving you the recipe for that.'

"I'd better not eat any more broccoli. I'm saving room for spiritual food."

"Let there be light hors d'oeuvres."

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

"For what he is about to receive may the dog be truly thankful."

'Of course I followed the diet religiously. I do everything religiously.'

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'

"First, do no ham."

'And if this food does what I think it will - may we all meet in Heaven.'

God Cooks Up Evolution

"There, there, Dear. Brother Amos momentarily slipped back into his secular life when he said your cake is 'sinfully good'."

Bishop reads menu which features only loaves, fishes, water and wine.

Samosas

"Put some spiritual food in there."

'I think our marriage would make a great country song.'

Holy Pizza

Overeaters anonymous meeting 9 to 10pm

'Are you going to say Grace, Sir, or shall I?'

Cheeses of Nazareth.

'Sermon - if he wanted us to eat genetically-modified food, h would have modified them himself.'