Religious Foodies Gifts

"Are you crazy? A bacon and tomato sandwich? On Yom Kippur?"

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

Church Basement Foodie

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

Holy Macaroni,

'Today's sermon is on the feeding of the five thousand...and I'll be giving you the recipe for that.'

'Those wafers are no good. Why don't they have cookies?'

"Let there be light hors d'oeuvres."

"For what he is about to receive may the dog be truly thankful."

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

"Holy moly!"

'Of course I followed the diet religiously. I do everything religiously.'

"I'd better not eat any more broccoli. I'm saving room for spiritual food."

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'

Biblical Jewish Medical Ethics

"First, do no ham."

'And if this food does what I think it will - may we all meet in Heaven.'

God Cooks Up Evolution

"There, there, Dear. Brother Amos momentarily slipped back into his secular life when he said your cake is 'sinfully good'."

Bishop reads menu which features only loaves, fishes, water and wine.

"Put some spiritual food in there."

''Fasting' doesn't mean eating fast food!'

Holy Pizza

"Finally - a faith-based initiative I can embrace."

Cheeses of Nazareth.