Church Foodie Gifts

Church Basement Foodie

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

'How can we solve this problem by eating?'

"Where do we put Desserts?"

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

"That's our new church mascot."

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

'Because Thanksgiving is about a bountiful harvest. That's why we have to eat all these vegetables.'

'We like bright, new employees who aren't afraid to take some risks. By the way... how are those clam fritters?'

A man and baby wearing bibs

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

Holy Macaroni,

'Today's sermon is on the feeding of the five thousand...and I'll be giving you the recipe for that.'

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

'Are you putting on your Sunday Best, Felix?'

'Of course I followed the diet religiously. I do everything religiously.'

'Those wafers are no good. Why don't they have cookies?'

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

"I'd better not eat any more broccoli. I'm saving room for spiritual food."

'Getting ready for the church chili supper is bad enough without you calling it the 'Pre-Tribulation'!'

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'

'I lost the grocery list you gave me. So I brought home a few weeks supply of pizza.'

"First, do no ham."

'Just like when YOU cook or mom cooks???'

"There are kids in this world who would love to have a working dinner with their parents."

'This should increase our business.'