Religious Conversion Gifts

'I suppose technically you're right. But we still prefer not to think of it as a gated community.'

Yahweh/Your Way

"I'm in the market for an easier religion."

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

"You must be a 'new Christian'. You still have that new car smell."

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

Jesus in the 'Lost and Found'.

Women outside church, "well I don't like the way he's leaning towards Rome."

He's converted to Christianity.

Man with various tattooed names crossed out and replaced with Jesus

Shortly after being accepted into John's heart, Jesus lodged in aorta.

"I had the usual religious upbringing, but then I converted."

Nun Fight.

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"Like you, I was lost...then I found Jesus!"

Pope Benedict 16th.

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

"You're right! It is a mezuzah!"

They're missing a few commandments.

Got god? (no you don't...He's got you!)

"Hold up - I have to read the legal disclaimer."

"I guess ten is enough."

'Ever since we converted the church into a jail, everyone is finding Jesus.'

'It's just a phase they're going through.'

Je-Hereford's Witnesses

"The only spells she does anymore are the Gospels."

"Take two tablets and call me in the morning."

John Wycliffe

"If I become 'Born again', can I fudge a bit on my age?"

"The trustees feel the Reverend Dr. Clapsattle does not harmonize with the edifice."

'No, they're not the same rules they read before a boxing match.'

"Wouldn't it have been easier to just download them?"

Plagues

Sweater Vestment.