Relic Restorer Gifts

Jesus returns: Acmy Employment Agency: 'I do have experience as a carpenter, but that was 2000 yeras ago.'

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

An old man wearing a band t-shirt

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

'Great to see the ol' museum is finally getting a face-lift.' An old building getting a medical face-lift

"My goodness, no! Grandfather would never, ever let us near this!!"

Future Candidates For "Colorization"

'Not MORE flippin' crockery!'

Restored antique carriage in A.D. 2500

Cleaner cleaning up the paintings in a gallery.

My own museum.

"I've up cycled your Chippendale!"

Holy Relics.

"When was the last time you started her up?"

Man defaces a painting to make it fit above his fireplace.

The Wonder Of It All

"You and your stones collection!"

"Carbon paper? Typewriter ribbon? An ashtray? After your retirement, have you considered opening a museum?"

The Death of Chatterton - After Restoration

"You just put it in the slot - you don't to push the 'send' key!"

"You're right, professor, this wouldn't be just any birthday!"

'You and your stones collection.'

Snuggie of Turin

Archaeologists look at stratigraphy with irons in it - 'And right above the Stone Age strata you can clearly see artefacts from the 'Iron Age'!'

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

"Walter, will you please step away from that sign?"