Relic Restorer Pillows

Jesus returns: Acmy Employment Agency: 'I do have experience as a carpenter, but that was 2000 yeras ago.'

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

An old man wearing a band t-shirt

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

'Great to see the ol' museum is finally getting a face-lift.' An old building getting a medical face-lift

"My goodness, no! Grandfather would never, ever let us near this!!"

Future Candidates For "Colorization"

My own museum.

'Not MORE flippin' crockery!'

Restored antique carriage in A.D. 2500

Sharon's more of a do-it-yourselfer.

Cleaner cleaning up the paintings in a gallery.

Holy Relics.

"I've up cycled your Chippendale!"

Museum. It's great we got this job moving statues here at the museum. CRASH! That was no time to make a joke about a "piece of art."

"When was the last time you started her up?"

"You and your stones collection!"

The Wonder Of It All

Man defaces a painting to make it fit above his fireplace.

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

"Carbon paper? Typewriter ribbon? An ashtray? After your retirement, have you considered opening a museum?"

The Death of Chatterton - After Restoration

"You're right, professor, this wouldn't be just any birthday!"

'You and your stones collection.'

"You just put it in the slot - you don't to push the 'send' key!"

Snuggie of Turin

"These things are useless. They beep constantly, but we never find a thing."

'You can tell it's good by the way the tonsils follow you around the room.'

Archaeologists look at stratigraphy with irons in it - 'And right above the Stone Age strata you can clearly see artefacts from the 'Iron Age'!'

"Get your one-of-a-kind burial cloth of Jesus!"

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'