Antique Restorer Pillows

"Have you heard anything from the throne-repair people yet?"

Restored antique carriage in A.D. 2500

"I've up cycled your Chippendale!"

Southwark Fair.

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

You had me at vintage.

"There's more inside."

Antiques

The First Printed Bible

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

'This is a letter opener, from the days before faxes and email. I just sold it online after I listed it as a vintage communication device.'

Estate Sale! All the stuff my kids said they don't want to inherit.

"Attention, everyone! I'd like to introduce the newest member of our family."

Stone Age women were less happy than men at the arrival of the iron age: Look what I've invented just for you darling.

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

Dinner at the Jolly Sandboys (opening to Ch 19)

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

'Who are you kidding? This is a wind-up isn't it!'

'Have you any idea just how little this is worth?'

Ye Old Cafe: No Coffee Today - Sore Arm!

Auctioneer: 'Sold to the lady whose husband just walked out!'

Telephone line ends up buried in the ground with a headstone.

At last, Clarence thought, the long-awaited return to the old economy had begun.

Inventor of the Tudor spirit-level

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

'Great to see the ol' museum is finally getting a face-lift.' An old building getting a medical face-lift

'Oh I don't mind you turning over my cups to look at the mark. But next time, please finish your tea.'

Fumes from furniture

"My goodness, no! Grandfather would never, ever let us near this!!"

Grandfather Clock