Antique Restorer Gifts

"Have you heard anything from the throne-repair people yet?"

Restored antique carriage in A.D. 2500

"I've up cycled your Chippendale!"

Southwark Fair.

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

You had me at vintage.

"There's more inside."

Antiques

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

'This is a letter opener, from the days before faxes and email. I just sold it online after I listed it as a vintage communication device.'

The First Printed Bible

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

Estate Sale! All the stuff my kids said they don't want to inherit.

Stone Age women were less happy than men at the arrival of the iron age: Look what I've invented just for you darling.

"Attention, everyone! I'd like to introduce the newest member of our family."

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

Dinner at the Jolly Sandboys (opening to Ch 19)

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

Ye Old Cafe: No Coffee Today - Sore Arm!

'Have you any idea just how little this is worth?'

'Who are you kidding? This is a wind-up isn't it!'

Auctioneer: 'Sold to the lady whose husband just walked out!'

Telephone line ends up buried in the ground with a headstone.

At last, Clarence thought, the long-awaited return to the old economy had begun.

"My goodness, no! Grandfather would never, ever let us near this!!"

'Oh I don't mind you turning over my cups to look at the mark. But next time, please finish your tea.'

'Great to see the ol' museum is finally getting a face-lift.' An old building getting a medical face-lift

Fumes from furniture

Inventor of the Tudor spirit-level

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

Islington Angels.