Furniture Restorer Gifts

"Of course, it's full of woodworm, we breed them..."

Cut out and keep your own French Polisher.

'The sugar chest is original but the contents are artificial.'

'Next time, let them dry out the stuff on their OWN premises!'

Antiques, Furniture Stripping, Stripping.

Fumes from furniture

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

'Are you sure you brought the right flat pack?'

George was a bit intimidated by his IKEA self-assembly wardrobe.

"Honey! He's breached the recliner! I repeat, the puppy has breached my La-Z-Boy!!"

'Great to see the ol' museum is finally getting a face-lift.' An old building getting a medical face-lift

'Oh, honey, what a lovely house... We'll place the couch here, the cupboard there and my psychiatrist right here!'

"She does this when she's tired."

Chair - Ready for Self Assembly.

DIY.

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

"I can't find the instructions."

The Upholstery Consultant

Super glue . . .

'They had three puppies and four kids before me: It's almost impossible to find a piece of furniture that hasn't been chewed on...'

'Darling...I'm afraid the sofa salesmen got the better of me.'

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

Irritable dowel syndrome

Cleaner cleaning up the paintings in a gallery.

"I've up cycled your Chippendale!"

Jude completely misunderstands his doctor's request for a stool sample.

'And here to explain his study on the migration patterns of Earthlings...'

'The Sacked Executive's Officer Furniture Goes in the Small Van...the Salary Package in the Other.'

"You said to pack only the essentials, and this couch is essential for my afternoon naps."

Restored antique carriage in A.D. 2500

Museum. It's great we got this job moving statues here at the museum. CRASH! That was no time to make a joke about a "piece of art."