Restoration Artist Pillows

'I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm giving you a ticket for not speeding, but driving too slow.'

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

'I think I've finally found a fixer-upper in your price range.'

Inventor of the Tudor spirit-level

'Great to see the ol' museum is finally getting a face-lift.' An old building getting a medical face-lift

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

Authentic Rinkelmier chair (Built 1723)

"He's a hunter-gatherer-tinkerer-fixer-upper-restorer-reseller."

Under New Mismanagement

'They did a great job in restoring all the 19th century details, but this confounded dress code...'

Restored antique carriage in A.D. 2500

Cleaner cleaning up the paintings in a gallery.

"I've up cycled your Chippendale!"

Museum. It's great we got this job moving statues here at the museum. CRASH! That was no time to make a joke about a "piece of art."

Salvage Hunters

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

Man defaces a painting to make it fit above his fireplace.

'Dad, I didn't know you were into sculpture.'

"I told you she'd had some work done."

Leaning Tower of Pisa

"It's just a hunch, but you may have the power set too high on your pressure washer."

"We had an expert restore all the original shag carpeting."

Japan-Reconstruction

Painting Mona Lisa.

The Death of Chatterton - After Restoration

Straightening up.

'What's the difference between Cream Amber Sunset and Pale Golden Butterscotch? Umm...the name?'

Dept. of Antiquities

Statue Restoration.

"She's a rescue."

'You can tell it's good by the way the tonsils follow you around the room.'