Relic Revealer Gifts

Toilet inside a coffin.

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

Theorbo

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Joust Sharpener

"It's great to see Biff; Socksie the cat is out of the bag..."

"I say we move on to dessert."

"Hendrickje, I feel another self-portrait coming on. Bring in the funny hats."

"My goodness, no! Grandfather would never, ever let us near this!!"

The not so secret life of Walter Mitty

Vitruvian Manatee

'Washington has wooden teeth? -- how did you find that out?', 'It came out in conversation.'

Galileo drops ball from Pisa and it goes up.

Paterfamilias prefers his own bedroom (which the whitewashers have just left) to the discomfort of an hotel.

"Whoa, I guess dad and mom didn’t send Scraps off to live on a farm after all."

'Not MORE flippin' crockery!'

My own museum.

Holy Relics.

'The problem isn't your high definition television, it's your low definition eyes.'

Building getting a new coat fitted

The ghost of christmas regifting

The Wonder Of It All

90% of annoying habits are discovered after you start living together.

"You and your stones collection!"

'One second - wo seconds - three seconds - four seconds -one hour...'

"Carbon paper? Typewriter ribbon? An ashtray? After your retirement, have you considered opening a museum?"

'You and your stones collection.'

"You're right, professor, this wouldn't be just any birthday!"

We made great progress today, but I think we need a few more sessions.

'That's the problem with absolute power, Sire. It corrupts absolutely. And it always seems to start with the fenders and door panels.'

"You just put it in the slot - you don't to push the 'send' key!"

Snuggie of Turin

'Oh for goodness sake! Read a real newspaper!'

Early Photobomb

Archaeologists look at stratigraphy with irons in it - 'And right above the Stone Age strata you can clearly see artefacts from the 'Iron Age'!'