Relaxation Humorist Gifts

Foot Massage

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

Welcome Spring.

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

"I keep on getting these feelings of love, peace and empathy..."

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

Camping holidays in the British summer.

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

'I'll set snooze for an extra month.'

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

Computer help.

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"How long have I had what problem?"

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

'Lately my business instincts and intuitions have been on opposing sides.'

"Sometimes, when business is brisk, I have to settle for no nap at all."

"Dr. Livingstone will see you now."

Unsmiley face at the psychiatrist...

Dog in therapy.

I think I have a gilt complex.

"Siri, are Charlie’s parents to blame for his neurosis?"

A mental-health spot quiz, Al: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single … Google search of travel websites"?

Woman on psychiatrists couch talking to statue in art museum.

'Actually, it's good, old fashioned, chicken soup.'

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"