Meditative Humorist Gifts

"Meditation is too hard. How do you keep one thought in your mind for this long?"

'Oh yeah! First to reach enlightenment... Right here! Eat my dust, bitches!'

"I pick up most of my wisdom from celebrity interviews.'

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

At the 2021 Religious Games

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

Guru.

"Seriously, I used to be the staff of a guy named Moses, man the stories I could tell..."

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

Computer help.

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

Single Prayer Health Insurance

'Meaning of life? You bet! Here, pull my finger.'

T-Shirt reads: 'Out of mind, I won't be back.'

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"How long have I had what problem?"

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

Praying Mantis.

'Lately my business instincts and intuitions have been on opposing sides.'