Meditative Jokesters Gifts

"Sorry I'm late - I got caught in another avalanche."

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

"The answers to the questions you seek could also be found on Google."

Lesbians for Christ

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

'Please join me now in a group meditation.'

Zenboni

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

Kid in hospital has I.V. in him that is a straw.

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"Meditation is too hard. How do you keep one thought in your mind for this long?"

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

Man tries to build a traditional Indian Guru bed using flatpack furniture.

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

"Psst! I got mantras. You need a mantra? Mantras right here..."

'I'm trying to become enlightened, but my stomach keeps growling and interrupting me!'