Laxative Humorists Gifts

'Filo Ex-Lax' in a toilet.

"You're going to hate yourself."

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

Champagne at the hunt

"Meditation is too hard. How do you keep one thought in your mind for this long?"

'My father carried this sign before me, as did his father before him.'

Prune Eating Contest: Last Man Standing.

'Sorry son, I bought you an ice-cream at the corner shop, but it melted on the way home...'

'You're so sophisticated and witty...and muscular...do you work out? Why, yes, I'd love to come back to your place.'

Visual gag (the real Mona Lisa behind the scenes).

Foot Massage

'Water is a valuable good and we should use it sparingly. That's why I'd like my Scotch straight.'

"I pick up most of my wisdom from celebrity interviews.'

Endangered Feces: Prune Juice

Remote Toaster

"Damn kids and their graffiti."

'Mrs. Philip, please chew my food for me.'

"You're history, Leonard."

"Winning isn't everything - it's the only thing!"

'Contemplate this summons.'

'Oh yeah! First to reach enlightenment... Right here! Eat my dust, bitches!'

"I was a late bloomer—I didn't inherit my money until my fifties."

Bubblewrap Supplies: Just Popped Out

Cupcake icing and matching hairstyles.

"Bad! He recommends both bran and prune juice!!"

Dog on the phone.

'Hey, baby, does this turn you on?'

"Drawing with a revoked artistic license. What about you?"

Cull people who like plastic plants.

'I wonder what kind of dog Romney will have in the White House if he's elected.'

Sad Humour

"Shall I rush right out and blow some goblets?"

Tattoo parlour - "Don't you think your dog looks tough enough without a tattoo?"

'Don't just lie there-get moonlighting!'

Not A Laxative