Laxative Humorists Pillows

'Filo Ex-Lax' in a toilet.

"You're going to hate yourself."

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

Champagne at the hunt

"Meditation is too hard. How do you keep one thought in your mind for this long?"

'My father carried this sign before me, as did his father before him.'

Prune Eating Contest: Last Man Standing.

'Sorry son, I bought you an ice-cream at the corner shop, but it melted on the way home...'

Visual gag (the real Mona Lisa behind the scenes).

'You're so sophisticated and witty...and muscular...do you work out? Why, yes, I'd love to come back to your place.'

'Water is a valuable good and we should use it sparingly. That's why I'd like my Scotch straight.'

Foot Massage

"I pick up most of my wisdom from celebrity interviews.'

Endangered Feces: Prune Juice

Remote Toaster

'Mrs. Philip, please chew my food for me.'

"Damn kids and their graffiti."

"You're history, Leonard."

"Winning isn't everything - it's the only thing!"

'Contemplate this summons.'

'Oh yeah! First to reach enlightenment... Right here! Eat my dust, bitches!'

"I was a late bloomer—I didn't inherit my money until my fifties."

"Bad! He recommends both bran and prune juice!!"

Cupcake icing and matching hairstyles.

Bubblewrap Supplies: Just Popped Out

'Hey, baby, does this turn you on?'

Dog on the phone.

"Drawing with a revoked artistic license. What about you?"

Not A Laxative

Sad Humour

'I wonder what kind of dog Romney will have in the White House if he's elected.'

Cull people who like plastic plants.

"Shall I rush right out and blow some goblets?"

Tattoo parlour - "Don't you think your dog looks tough enough without a tattoo?"

'Don't just lie there-get moonlighting!'