Laxative Humorist Pillows

Prune Eating Contest: Last Man Standing.

"You're going to hate yourself."

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

Daffodil bulbs

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

Champagne at the hunt

"Listen, the first pterodactyl of spring."

Surreal Ale Pub.

'Vacuums!'

"Meditation is too hard. How do you keep one thought in your mind for this long?"

'My father carried this sign before me, as did his father before him.'

'Sorry son, I bought you an ice-cream at the corner shop, but it melted on the way home...'

Dave :)

Visual gag (the real Mona Lisa behind the scenes).

'You're so sophisticated and witty...and muscular...do you work out? Why, yes, I'd love to come back to your place.'

Foot Massage

Just Survived My 3rd COVID Scare Dance.

'Water is a valuable good and we should use it sparingly. That's why I'd like my Scotch straight.'

"I pick up most of my wisdom from celebrity interviews.'

Endangered Feces: Prune Juice

'He used to be my tiger, now he's nothing more than a skunk, a boar and a lying toad.'

'I'm texting my inner child.'

'Any idea where my night vision visor is?'

"I'm going to do some gardening.Have you seen my ear protectors?"

'So, are we going for a walk or what?'

"Dude, don't say it..."

Remote Toaster

"I've forgotten your face but I remember your mask."

'Mrs. Philip, please chew my food for me.'

This Mind Intentionally Left Blank

'It was the menu in this pub that drove me to drink...'

When I went in they were discussing Tina Turner.

Daybreak at bulb camp

"Winning isn't everything - it's the only thing!"

'Are you the same guy who's in the bathroom mirror?'