Lavatorial Humor Lover Pillows

"When are you going to invent toilet paper?"

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Crap from the future.

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

"Ah...summer...and umbrellas as far as you can see...it reminds me of England!"

'I AM a magician! When I wake up granddad from his nap, I turn Gramps into Grumps!'

Honest Voting Stickers

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

The Monroe Doctrine

'Henry was an undecided voter four years ago when he entered that voting booth, and I'm still waiting for him to decide and come home.'

Before disposing of useless information please make file copies.

Evil Henchman Gets a Promotion.

Think tanks.

"I think I'm coming down with something."

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

Only in America

Suggestions and Cheap Shots.

'...and do you solemnly swear to update your facebook status to 'married'?'

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

'Whoops. There goes one of my prostheses.'

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

IT security.

Police Lineup Escape

Spying Smart TV

"Six hundred Starbucks closing? Really? Is that on the East Side or West Side?"

'Escape?...Why?'

"Welcome to Alabama. Pro-life at birth; not so much after that."

'Your Majesty, the peasants are out of bread', 'Then let them eat low-carb stuff,'

"I don't know what that is, either - it could be the Olsen twins."

Euro Collapse

"Uncle Tod's Reviews"

Dollars Press Conference

"Care for an oxymoron?"

Busy, Busy, Busy

"The union is objecting to our 'grotesquely inflated' wages, do you think they'd settle for 'outrageously inflated' instead?"