Laziness Satirist Pillows

'Mrs. Philip, please chew my food for me.'

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

Homo Zapiens

Ultra-lazy sloth

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

"I want to work from home!"

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

"Sometimes I wonder if it was worth all the trouble you went through to get yourself cloned."

"These are smart socks. They will crawl themselves to the clothes hamper when you throw them on the floor. Make sure they're charged before wearing them."

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

"And then after high school, I spent twelve years in college and majored in procrastination."

'Sorry son, I bought you an ice-cream at the corner shop, but it melted on the way home...'

"To be honest, it just collects dust."

Prune Eating Contest: Last Man Standing.

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

"The great thing about being bad at your job is nobody asks you for help with their work."

'Bill remembers where he was everybody died.'

'But I feel quite healthy.'

'Someone told him life begins at forty. Now he's reserving his energies!'

'Yesterday you pulled 8 muscles when you sneezed. I think it's time you started exercising again.'

The 1 Minute Scape Goat.

'I don't think that lifting the remote control counts as exercise!'

Self-Walking Legs

Couch potato thinks: 'This sure beats having a life.'

'Hey Larry! Jim here! Haven't seen you since way last Christmas! How the heck are ya, dude?'

"At least TRY to look as busy as a bee!"

"I don't have to fetch his slippers anymore. His drone does it."

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

'It's these sleeper terrorists, doctor. They're keeping me awake at night.'

'Call me lazy if you want, but I wouldn't trade my life with anybody else's...'

"Henry is addicted to all of the Court programs."

"I'm not picky—whatever's wounded."

'I am not lazy, I have a disease. It's called couchaholism.'

"Hey - it says here that humans used to have these things called 'legs'. Apparently they used these legs to 'walk' to the shops and actually buy stuff in person...!"

'Sloth? We prefer Creature of Persistent Inactivity.'