Laziness Satirist Gifts

'Mrs. Philip, please chew my food for me.'

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

Homo Zapiens

Ultra-lazy sloth

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

"I want to work from home!"

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

"Sometimes I wonder if it was worth all the trouble you went through to get yourself cloned."

"These are smart socks. They will crawl themselves to the clothes hamper when you throw them on the floor. Make sure they're charged before wearing them."

"And then after high school, I spent twelve years in college and majored in procrastination."

"To be honest, it just collects dust."

Prune Eating Contest: Last Man Standing.

'Sorry son, I bought you an ice-cream at the corner shop, but it melted on the way home...'

'Bill remembers where he was everybody died.'

"The great thing about being bad at your job is nobody asks you for help with their work."

'But I feel quite healthy.'

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

'Someone told him life begins at forty. Now he's reserving his energies!'

'Yesterday you pulled 8 muscles when you sneezed. I think it's time you started exercising again.'

The 1 Minute Scape Goat.

Couch potato thinks: 'This sure beats having a life.'

'I don't think that lifting the remote control counts as exercise!'

"At least TRY to look as busy as a bee!"

'Call me lazy if you want, but I wouldn't trade my life with anybody else's...'

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

'It's these sleeper terrorists, doctor. They're keeping me awake at night.'

"I don't have to fetch his slippers anymore. His drone does it."

Train Arrivals

'Sloth? We prefer Creature of Persistent Inactivity.'

"Hey - it says here that humans used to have these things called 'legs'. Apparently they used these legs to 'walk' to the shops and actually buy stuff in person...!"

"I'm not picky—whatever's wounded."

"Henry is addicted to all of the Court programs."

'I am not lazy, I have a disease. It's called couchaholism.'