Laziness Lover Pillows

"In search of America's laziest man..."

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

"Athlete's foot! You're joking?"

"I've been neither a lender nor a borrower. On the other hand, I have been an idler and a tosspot."

'When it comes to sex, he's just like an animal. A beached whale to be precise. '

Self-Walking Legs

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

"I AM at my usual position."

'Every time I turn my back, he's learned another one of your bad habits.'

Homo Zapiens

Ultra-lazy sloth

"Fetch me another Sculpin IPA."

"I want to work from home!"

'My husband likes to have everything handy during TV commercials.'

Sleep. The magazine for people who are asleep.

"Sometimes I wonder if it was worth all the trouble you went through to get yourself cloned."

"Ed's not really into binge watching...he just can't find the remote."

"And then after high school, I spent twelve years in college and majored in procrastination."

"To be honest, it just collects dust."

"The great thing about being bad at your job is nobody asks you for help with their work."

'Bill remembers where he was everybody died.'

'But I feel quite healthy.'

The Sedentary Dead.

"Isn't this more fun than spending money on dinner and a movie?"

'Someone told him life begins at forty. Now he's reserving his energies!'

'I don't think that lifting the remote control counts as exercise!'

The 1 Minute Scape Goat.

Couch potato thinks: 'This sure beats having a life.'

"We're watching your side of the room with growing fascination."

"Honey, grab me a seal from the freezer will ya."

Endangered Feces: Prune Juice

'Yesterday you pulled 8 muscles when you sneezed. I think it's time you started exercising again.'

"Believing life begins at 40, Dave decided to take it easy for the first 39."

"At least TRY to look as busy as a bee!"

"When good hamsters go bad."