Laxative Humorist Gifts

Prune Eating Contest: Last Man Standing.

"You're going to hate yourself."

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

Daffodil bulbs

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

Champagne at the hunt

'Vacuums!'

"Listen, the first pterodactyl of spring."

Surreal Ale Pub.

"Meditation is too hard. How do you keep one thought in your mind for this long?"

'My father carried this sign before me, as did his father before him.'

'Sorry son, I bought you an ice-cream at the corner shop, but it melted on the way home...'

Visual gag (the real Mona Lisa behind the scenes).

Foot Massage

Dave :)

Just Survived My 3rd COVID Scare Dance.

'You're so sophisticated and witty...and muscular...do you work out? Why, yes, I'd love to come back to your place.'

'Water is a valuable good and we should use it sparingly. That's why I'd like my Scotch straight.'

"I pick up most of my wisdom from celebrity interviews.'

'Any idea where my night vision visor is?'

'I'm texting my inner child.'

'He used to be my tiger, now he's nothing more than a skunk, a boar and a lying toad.'

Endangered Feces: Prune Juice

"I'm going to do some gardening.Have you seen my ear protectors?"

'So, are we going for a walk or what?'

Remote Toaster

"Dude, don't say it..."

I was bitten by a radioactive bedbug – My superpower is getting a solid eight hours of sleep every night. Wow. So lucky.

"I've forgotten your face but I remember your mask."

'Mrs. Philip, please chew my food for me.'

This Mind Intentionally Left Blank

When I went in they were discussing Tina Turner.

'It was the menu in this pub that drove me to drink...'

Daybreak at bulb camp

'Are you the same guy who's in the bathroom mirror?'