Relationship Relaxer Gifts

"What's wrong?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

American Idle.

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

Kissing the Blarney Stone.

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

'The cruises and long vacations ensure I'm not micro-managing.'

"Remember? I was sitting right up there when you came by and said 'Hi, beautiful!'"

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

It was worth a try, but I'm afraid the thrill is still gone, Harold.

"Great session, you guys - nice to see you both smiling again."

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

"I am staying ‘present,’ and presently she’s annoying me!"

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

"Hey, I know - why don't we go on a little crime spree?"

'But boss, this will keep my muscles from getting fatiqued.'

"Sometimes I stop to think and forget to start again."

"She always gets the upper bunk."

'But I feel quite healthy.'

"I'm not sure I'm ready to date again. I'm just coming off a bad mitosis."

Sadie, we need to see a couple's counselor. Yuck. No way! I won't spend a bunch of dough to have some halfwit tell me how to live my life! But I found an inexpensive counselor who will just listen to us talk through our issues. Counseling $10. This end up.

'May I leave early today, Sir? The market is down and my wife is alone...'

Woman does a strip tease on a remote control.

"A see through nighty? God who'd want to see you through that?"

'And he seems to think he's God's gift to women.'

I'm practicing for retirement - one hour every day.

Lazy dog.

Tunnel of Begrudging Compromise.

"Please, Dianna, at least give me a chance to rebrand myself."

"Lately she refers to me as her 'insignificant other'."

"The president wants me to stay on as unemployed."

'We need to twerk.'

'Jeez, Hon - ain't you ever goin' wear your 'yes' jammies again!?'

"Didn't I tell you to limber up before you started channel surfing?"

'You're being hostile. A gift certificate for a psychiatric session!'