Relationship Laughingstock Pillows

"Your feet are like ice."

Life is for the birds.

Einstein's T-Shirt reads: My Wife Doesn't Understand Me.

"First date hairball... awkward."

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

Reading the sports pages.

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

Early man wasn't exactly enthusiastic about the development of language.

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

Aging Problems

"They must be from a time when it was safe to meet in the park at night."

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

'They were all out of roses.'

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

Bowling. 24 Lanes. Going bowling for date night with my girlfriend as a bad idea. A split was inevitable.

'Have you beed seeing other females?'

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

"You knew I was high maintenance when we met."