Relationship Humor Follower Pillows

'Could you speak up Mrs Jones, I didn't hear what the problem is...'

'They couldn't exactly get me a date, but they offered me a job as a practice dummy.'

Life is for the birds.

"First date hairball... awkward."

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

"You're hogging the covers again!"

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

Reading the sports pages.

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

Early man wasn't exactly enthusiastic about the development of language.

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

Aging Problems

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

'Have you beed seeing other females?'

"You knew I was high maintenance when we met."