Relationship Humorer Pillows

...knowing our luck, my boring husband would have come home early to oil the hinges in the wardrobe

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Life is for the birds.

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

"I said I'd give you the world, didn't I?"

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

Reading the sports pages.

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'This rift between you and Dr. Voight has become a chasm.'

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'