Relationship Humorer Pillows

...knowing our luck, my boring husband would have come home early to oil the hinges in the wardrobe

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Life is for the birds.

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"First date hairball... awkward."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Reading the sports pages.

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'This rift between you and Dr. Voight has become a chasm.'

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

Always Compatible

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"