Relationship Humor Collector Gifts

"They must be from a time when it was safe to meet in the park at night."

"You've been sending steamy e-mails to that woman in Florida again!"

Life is for the birds.

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Reading the sports pages.

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"You're hogging the covers again!"

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

Aging Problems

WHIRLWIND COURTSHIP

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

'Have you beed seeing other females?'

"You knew I was high maintenance when we met."

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

'...and another thing - why do I always have to sleep in the wet spot?'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'