Relationship Dynamo Pillows

I've got an attention span of a what are we having for dinner?

"When did you become the voice of the disenfranchised."

"Quick! Hide! That may be my husband!"

Wife: 'I have a bone to pick with you.' Solomon (flippantly) 'With pleasure, my dear, so long as it's not a funny bone!'

"My husband is a very good listener."

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

Annual run-off at the mouth.

I really think I can handle this date on my own. Lemme ask you something. Would you trust me alone with a ybot 340? An Xbox 360? They changed the name? Okay. But you cannot hit on my date. I'm only here to help.

Romance

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

'Men order. . . women shop.'

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

Awkward First Dates

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

'You have her home by midnight, now!'

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

Engineer on the move.

'It takes great courage of conviction to know you're wrong, yet still proceed forward.'

Monogamy

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

'Do you take this annoying woman to be your lawful wedded wife?'

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"When I take your arm Charlene, there's no need to flex."

"And keep in mind that the only stupid question is the one that isn't asked. Discussion?"

"Steak, Richard, is just grown up veal."

“I don’t mind doing the dishes every night—it gives me time to deepen my resentment.”

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

"Well, it's another brand-new day. What do you say to getting up and looking the damn thing straight in the eye?"