Relationship Dynamo Gifts

I've got an attention span of a what are we having for dinner?

"When did you become the voice of the disenfranchised."

"Quick! Hide! That may be my husband!"

Wife: 'I have a bone to pick with you.' Solomon (flippantly) 'With pleasure, my dear, so long as it's not a funny bone!'

"My husband is a very good listener."

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

Romance

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

'Men order. . . women shop.'

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

Awkward First Dates

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

'You have her home by midnight, now!'

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

Engineer on the move.

'It takes great courage of conviction to know you're wrong, yet still proceed forward.'

"And keep in mind that the only stupid question is the one that isn't asked. Discussion?"

'Do you take this annoying woman to be your lawful wedded wife?'

Monogamy

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"When I take your arm Charlene, there's no need to flex."

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

"Steak, Richard, is just grown up veal."

“I don’t mind doing the dishes every night—it gives me time to deepen my resentment.”

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

'You can't keep rescuing him. If he really wants help, book him an appointment.'

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

"You call that worrying?"