Relationship Dynamics Expert Gifts

'I'm sick and tired of your mood swings, Frank!'

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

I really think I can handle this date on my own. Lemme ask you something. Would you trust me alone with a ybot 340? An Xbox 360? They changed the name? Okay. But you cannot hit on my date. I'm only here to help.

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

'Men order. . . women shop.'

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

Awkward First Dates

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

'Honestly! You really ought to see someone about that cough of yours.'

'You've changed since we got married.'

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

'It took me years of training, but now he's my perfect man.'

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

'We've been playing house for 5 minutes, and she's already nagging me to get a job.'

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

"Is this your bright idea, Janet?"

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

"When I take your arm Charlene, there's no need to flex."

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"Steak, Richard, is just grown up veal."

Monogamy

'Do you take this annoying woman to be your lawful wedded wife?'

"I've never, ever taken you for granted, Ingrid."

'I don't know about you, but he was really beginning to get on my nerves.'

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

'Here's what she was reading - an articl called 'Parents can be fun'.'