Relationship Counsel Appreciator Pillows

"I am so relieved! Those secret family meetings were not about a possible divorce: they're renewing their wedding vows!"

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

Layer cake

You're the botanicals in my gin

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

Nothing to say! Wouldn't wanna hear about it anyway!

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

Couple kissing by a 'Ped Xing and Oing' sign.

No, they're not divorced --- She said that's her "ox-husband."

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

"The best things in life are free. The rest are married."

"We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone."

Soldier, Statesman, Travel Agent

'Good morning Miss...'

Couple in Grey

Hypnotizing Women

"Let's go for the four-slot toaster."

Gay couple living together.

Elderly couple

"OK - I'll say it again - I love you even more than my p******* hour."

"That's Fred's Case History."

'I'm still beautiful you know . . . you just have to read between the lines.'

'This thing between us two is not going to work...you get the picture?'

"Why don't you try walking it off?"

"You've always let me down in this marriage."

'All the girls say the same thing. You're a sweet guy, but...'

Let's grow old together!

'When are you going to clean out this closet?'

'I used to get ecstatic whenever I saw him. Now it's more like ecstatic cling.'

"Since when do you obey traffic signs, Billy?!"

'Did you get the promotion?'

'I'm being a good boy for the sake their marriage.'

'What really irritates me about you is the way you always leave the toilet seat up1!'

'Why do I go out with a short, fat, bald guy like you? Well for one thing, you make me look good.'

"I don't know, I've never tried?"