Relationship Commenter Gifts

"What about me? Am I not a natural disaster?"

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"Would you prefer the talking or the non-talking section?"

"I'm a common dolphin, I swim the west coast of Scotland foraging for fish and squid."

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

"What on earth do they find to talk about?"

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

'Instead of nagging you, Walter, I've decided to write a syndicated column!'

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

See? This is precisely why we don't encourage office romances.

'Well that's a load off my mind. Osborne's cutting the 50p tax rate.'

"Now who's being judgy?"

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

'Here's a list of women I want you to stay away from at the party tonight.'

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

"I don't see what you see in him."

"Long time commenter, first time reader. . ."

"Yes I know...she just needs a passport!"

"Don't forget to come back."

'So, did your marriage counseling work?', 'It sure did! -- She ran off with the marriage counselor!'

'Her being multi-lingual has it's drawbacks I'm afraid-she nags me in SIX languages!'

'Nothing about equal opportunity?'

'Could you speak up Mrs Jones, I didn't hear what the problem is...'

'I'm no good at sports, so I'll just have to settle for a trophy wife.'

'We have separate bedrooms because I snore and because I can't stand the sight of her.'

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

"I liked you better as my first husband."

'I thought dinner was going so well!'